Written by AG Flitcher
Love is a powerful emotion that can either destroy us or bring colors and textures into our lives. Making us feel complete.
Let me tell you a story.
There was once a woman named Natolia, who lived in a cabin in a foggy forest. Neighbored by a dog and duck who kept each other warm in the hollow of a mighty oak tree next to a pond. She was a sweet young lady. But her aching love for a man she had neither met, nor heard his voice sing the love song she longed to hear, wrinkled and squeezed her heart black and blue. Leaving only a ruby pulsating and glowing at her core. Seeing the dog and duck’s love gave her hope she would see the love of her life someday.
However, there is a legend that says her sweetness and merciful loneliness was just a façade to attract the lonely and those desperate for affection. Keeping them in her clutches because she was far lonelier and more insecure about her true self than anyone who had ever come across her. Unfortunately, because she was so frail, scared, and terrified of others being mad at her, she always ended up alone. Letting go of those who fell victim to her love that was both powerful and foolish.
Whenever she looked at the dog and duck cuddling, she became jealous and happy. Cementing herself into a state of delirium and fear. She may as well have been imagining herself and the man she longed for, somewhere that brimmed with every romantic fantasy she could ever imagine. Illusions so powerful, she became a danger to herself. Draining others of their ability to pull themselves back together after being ripped of their original smile.
The moral of this story is that love can make us do crazy things. But if we express our pain to others, remain our authentic selves, and more importantly, are happy on our own, we will be ok. Not having romantic love isn’t a bad thing. Having romantic love that has as much substance as an empty eggshell, will only lead to heartache. We could be so blinded by the fictitious love we created, the heartache could kill us or cause us to do something we regret.
***
On October 1st, 2021, a total of 213 victims in Lower Mainland British Columbia Canada, lost a total of $22,463,510 CAD due to the sophisticated approach of Romance Scammers.
I unfortunately fell victim to this scandal as well.
I met a woman calling herself Sonia Daniels on an online dating site called Plenty Of Fish (POF). We talked for a couple of days then exchanged numbers and kept chatting on Whatsapp. I asked her if she wanted to meet up for coffee, but she said because of a chronic stomach pain that prevented her from getting out of bed without painkillers, she couldn’t do anything. I remained patient while her friend brought her the medication she needed. When I asked her again if she wanted to meet, she said yes but she didn’t drive and had no money to leave her house. So, I suggested I pick her up but she refused to share her address because she wanted to respect her roommate’s privacy. I asked her how we are supposed to meet if I don’t know where to pick her up? She basically shrugged her shoulders. Later she told me her pain wouldn’t stop and that she would need to get minor surgery. I remained patient while this happened.
However, she told me that because she needed to take medication post surgery and heal, she would go to Toronto to be with her grandmother. Giving her time to heal and see her family doctor. At this point I was head over heels for her. She kept saying she loved me, that I needed to “Give her my heart.” As in show her love, trust and keep to myself. Which I did without hesitation.
After all the doctor visits and getting her medication, she told me that she had to talk to a lawyer about her father’s inheritance. Apparently he was a home builder who had struck up a deal with what she called a middle man for the home he built in the UK. As long as he paid back the debt he owed this middle man, he would get the money that the house sold for. Once the lawyer and this so called Sonia Daniels started communicating through emails and phone calls about everything in the will and paying off her deceased father’s debt, I received emails from both of them. Sending me files related to her father’s will, paper work for the house in the UK, the 90 thousand dollar debt he owed to the middle man, plane tickets from Sonia, documents they signed, bank statements, and so on. Every time either would communicate with me, especially the lawyer, they reiterated the importance of confidentiality. Asking for my full compliance. In other words, pleaded with me to keep my mouth shut.
The house sold for 5.2 million CAD. She was in London for about a month before she was permitted to open a bank account in the UK to transfer the money into her Canadian account. But because she wanted to come home sooner than later, she tried to make as few transactions as possible. Sending a million dollars in wire transfers, one at a time. But she made the mistake of doing it every day. Which is what got her in trouble. The UK bank told her that they had to freeze her accounts both in the UK and Canada because she had made large transfers so frequently, it was breaking the rules. That being she could do one million a week. Not a million a day. And because she didn’t sign paperwork through an agency that makes sure people aren’t committing financial crimes, she was assessed a 65 thousand dollar fine for committing money laundering. Which was impossible for her to pay off due to her accounts being frozen. That is when I decided to leave.
When she was tagged with money laundering, she asked me to help her get out of it. For three months after I terminated the relationship, she would harass me, accusing me of breaking her heart. Not supporting her in her troubles. She would come at me via several forms of communication. Created fake Facebook accounts to friend me, emailed me in pleading fashion to take her back, had her lawyer tell me to keep everything she and I shared to myself. I had to block and report her several times. Even a friend of mine did the same because he saw how much it was ruining my life.
***
Why did I blindly go along with this fictitious journey for so long? I have no idea. I was clearly lost and in the clouds through all of this. No conscious thought or caution. I never met her, never saw her face on a video chat; when I called her, she either didn’t answer or sounded like a recording. She would send me pictures and tell me that her phone had issues or the Airbnb she stayed at had spotty reception for long distance calling. But it was the language she used that kept me under her spell. The romance, the common ground, being understood better than anyone, sharing our hopes and dreams, goals. All of that kept me in this scammer’s hooks. I never questioned her on who she was. Never once broke her trust. Even though people that know me well told me to walk away. I was that faithful to her.
When I left her and the spell was broken, I felt so stupid.
I don’t know anyone personally who went through something like this, but I now realize what I could have done differently to prevent myself for falling for a stranger that I never met. If they don’t communicate beyond text and don’t really share much about themselves, walk away. Communication is extremely important. Make sure you hear their voice and see their face. Love is not spawned from a distance. It is created in face to face interaction. Even if it is long distance at first. Do video calls, share everything. And plan to see each other before too much time has gone by. If one person starts making excuses to not see you, walk away. It is not worth you putting your life on hold.
That is the big one for me. Do not put your life on hold for someone you’ve never met or heard. That is for a relationship that has been growing strong for some time. My weakness is that I tend to be overly trusting. But because of the situation I went through I have become quite cautious. Please, if you meet someone online, don’t share any personal information. Even after meeting them. That is for serious relationships where trust and a bond has been made. Lastly, if you fall victim to a scam like this, go to the police and file a scam/fraud report.
I am glad I no longer have to live in this nightmare and am forever grateful to have a strong support system in my life. No one succeeds alone. No one finds true happiness alone.
***
Love is a powerful and important emotion in our lives. It comes in many forms. Friends, family, life partners, work colleagues, our passions, how we entertain ourselves. But the most important thing about love, is to treat it with care and respect. Question its authenticity when we feel it is in trouble or becomes a hollow shell that we once thought held rich textures that we could indulge in without feeling full or guilty.
It can fuel us or leave us in shattered pieces we can’t put back together.